Guy Code - Rules to live by as a man

This was fun to write about and it was fun to discuss with some other guys...so I cannot take credit for all the codes below, besides this way its more accurate and commonly thought of...as opposed to one man's opinion.

Guys have to be guys and the worst thing a guy can do, is let a girl take away his man card.  Its too bad women don't have "women cards"...can you imagine a society in which a conversation like this takes place:

Woman - I am going to go meet some girlfriends to go scrap-booking.
Man - NO! 
Woman - Why not?
Man - Because, umm...I need you here, you have to be with me at every moment.  We have so much to do!
Woman - We have nothing planned for the day, what are you talking about?
Man - I mean, fine...go then, have fun with your friends and ignore me and your children.
Woman - Its once a month, for 3 hours!!! 
Man - Suddenly, I am not feeling so good...I think I am going to be sick.
Woman - Damn! Ok fine, I will stay.  Let me call my friends and tell them I can't see them once a month because my bf is needy and controlling.  Are you happy now??

In the real world, this would never happen...for 2 reasons:

1. A woman would just tell you to go F yourself and walk out.
2.  No man would ever, ever, ever tell her gf or wife not to spend time with her friends...especially when it comes to her hobbies.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case with men and we ALLOW ourselves to be guilted into abandoning our guy friends.  Sure, the guy friends may think your girl is a bitch...but they are not mad at her, they are mad at you for not being a man.

For the women who appreciate a man's relationship with his guy friends...we salute you and we love you and we will always get the 2 thumbs from his guy friends!!!

On to the rules:


1.  When at the movie theater with another man, you must have one empty seat between both men.

2.  Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella unless your brother is actually gay.

3.  A man shall never apologize or explain why never called another man back.

4. No man shall ever sit on another man's lap...no matter what the situation calls for.

5.  A man must be able to open a bottle or lid at all times.

6.  A hug between men must always start with a handshake and can at no point become a two-arm hug.

7.  In an empty bathroom, no man shall EVER stand and pee next to another man...there must be one urinal in between.  Absolute rule! 

8.  If a guy "pokes" you on Facebook, punch them next time you see them.  Unacceptable.

9.  Only women dye their hair.  

10. A man doesn't say what happened at the bachelor party. EVER.

11. A man becomes a wing-man, when required. 

12. A man does not cock block his friend.

13. A man never, ever sleeps with his friends Ex.  Unless they became friends after its already happened, in which case you have become Eskimo Brothers...congratulations.  

14. A man never lets a woman, dictate who his friends are when they can hangout.  GOLDEN RULE!

15. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.  Just sayin.

16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

17. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil. 

18. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary and unacceptable.

19. Just because you got married or have a girlfriend, does not mean you can only have one friend, your wife or gf.  

20. Your man card is automatically taken from you if you choose to do an event that your gf wants you to do with her, instead of watching a big sporting event with your guy friends.

21. Any time a guy friend tell you that you are P-whipped, you are…guy friends know best and tell it how it is. 

22. Most women want a man, not another woman…so shaving your whole body to be completely smooth, unless you are a pro swimmner…not cool.

23. When a man can cry:

1. Death of a friend, relative or dog.  Not cats, cause cats are stupid.
2. At the end of Old Yeller
3. When your team wins the Super Bowl, World Cup or any other massive sporting event.
4. Birth of your own child.
5. Any sports related movie based on a true story ie Remember the Titans.
6. You win a million dollars

24.  Men don't really cry, we shed Man tears.  

25.  If caught tearing up, in a reason not mentioned under code 23...act as if you are yawning and blame the yawn.

26. Guys – Know when you are in the “friend zone”…if you meet a girl and she talks about other guys…you are in the friend zone.  If you meet a girl and she does not flirt with you or send you naughty pics or texts after 2 weeks, you are in the friend zone and if you meet a girl and she is constantly fishing for compliments, she is not interested in you, but interested in your superficial support of her own insecurities…don’t fall for it, friend.

27. Guys, look down…can’t see your junk, time to hit the gym and get on a diet.   

28. For god sake, NEVER spray cologne in the air and then walk into it.

29. Fighting is not what it use to be, so before you decide to get in the face of a guy at a bar who looked at your gf…think this to yourself…its not about “can I take a punch”…but can I take a bullet or knife, most likely…no.  Your life is more important than trying to impress your boys or a girl, besides…most girls, don’t dig fighting…unless you are in middle school.  

30. Be a man, not a bitch…asking your gf every 5 minutes if she is ok and if you can do anything for her and apologizing for everything you say, does not make you a nice guy…it makes you a little bitch who she will have no respect for.  

So there you have it, I am sure I am missing a few or will come up with some later...if you have any good ones, post them and let me know.  

Go Texans!!!

Keeping it real: Happy New Year

Keeping it real: Happy New Year: Well, for me its the first official work day of the 2012 year. I just spent the last week in Disneyworld with my parents, my kids and my gi...

Happy New Year

Well, for me its the first official work day of the 2012 year.  I just spent the last week in Disneyworld with my parents, my kids and my girlfriend.  It was a truly hectic, but memorable experience...Disneyworld this time of year is absolute insanity, only second to New York for New Years Eve.  My advice for any parents out there...take your kids out of school for a few days and go during the week...maybe after Thanksgiving, that way you get the best of both worlds, seeing Disney lit up for Christmas and still being able to do all the rides and attractions.

So its time to set New Year Resolutions...you know, that list that you make EVERY January that keeps you excited for 2 weeks and then slowly, but surely becomes an insignificant piece of paper found at the bottom of your trash can or I guess in today's world...maybe its on your smartphone or Ipad, but in a folder or location you easily forget about.  So, did I create a few NY resolutions? You bet I did...but this year I am changing my approach and my goals are much more broad and less specific.  Example: I want to be healthier by this time next year.  In the past I would say "I want to bench 250, weigh 180, do 25 pull ups, run 5 miles"...you get my drift and what it ended up being was overwhelming and almost impossible to accomplish, especially with young kids and a job and coaching...I put too much pressure on myself and would eventually give up.  So this year, its simple...be healthier: Eat better, run when I can and work out when I can. If I can do those things...the results I want in my body and health will follow.  So I start you off this year with a few good tips that I have thought of myself and some that I have gathered from other sources, that can help you become a better, healthier and happier person:

1.  Get on a sleep cycle.  Prob the most over looked power tool our body gives us, is our ability to sleep.  Despite all that you have going on in life, try your best to get on a good sleep schedule...its priceless.

2.  For guys: Wanna do the bare minimum workout with out weights, without a gym and without having to wear shoes?? Take 10 minutes out of your day to do some push ups, sit ups and pulls ups.  Its easy, its quick and its a great way to boost your metabolism.  Do it!

3.  GO TO THE DOCTOR!!  I can not stress this one enough, if you have not done it in the past 3 years...go get a physical.  I just had one done and a cardiac stress test and the piece of mind I have going into the new year is amazing.  Do it!

4.  Wanna lose weight and do it quick? Easy...stop drinking sodas, drinking beer, eating candy and eating desserts for one month.  Im not saying you will suddenly have a six pack (that takes working out and cardio) but if you just want to drop some weight, quit eating and drinking this crap.

5.  For guys (and maybe girls)...for god sake, quit looking at porn.  Its like going to a strip club...all you end up doing is having sex with yourself, AFTER you spend lots of money.  Yes, I am aware there are free porn sites...but consider this:  Looking at porn on your computer is the worst way to pick up viruses, looking at porn consistently has proven to cause issues in your "real life" sex life (unrealistic expectations in every way).

6.  Look around you and be happy for what you have.  Don't take your car for granted, the food in your fridge, the shoes on your feet, the clothes on your back, the friends you have, your parents, your kids, your job, your pets...the truth is, there are people out there who are truly suffering and they are suffering alone and without any help.  So as hard as it can be, when you have a bad day or something does not go your way...try and remember everything you have and appreciate it, find the good in the bad and move on.  Learn from your mistakes and move on.

7.  Find a hobby.  Whether its working out, scrap booking, picture taking, cooking classes, whatever it is...I assure you its better than sitting in front of a TV with a bag of chips or a bowl of ice cream.  Plus its fun!

8.  For women:  If you are married or in a relationship with a guy, please try to understand what his passions are and once you figure that out, allow him to spend time with that passion.  Want a bonus? Get involved with his passion...he will love you forever and be a very happy happy man.  Men are simple and my example is this:  We love you, we love our kids and we love...lets say football.  Monday - Saturday, we work and when we get home, we spend time with you.  We also look forward to watching a 3 hour football game on Sunday, with our jersey on and with a cold drink in our hand.  Please do NOT guilt your boyfriend or husband, unless you really want them to resent you...my suggestion, get involved...throw a party for couples to come over to watch the game.  The guys can watch, the girls can mingle.  Or...sit down next to him and watch part of the game, ask questions that make us feel smart "what does pass interference mean?"...we might laugh, but we think its cute that you are trying to learn and it will make us smile.  Look, you have two options...1, you let your man watch the game and be happy for the whole day.  2, you guilt your man into missing the game...only to have him follow every minute of it on his phone...either way, you are not getting the attention you guilted in to and everyone is then in a bad mood.  Got it?  Good! Go Texans this weekend!

Ok, enough for today...I hope everyone has a wonderful and happy 2012!

Nick